Say My Name Again
by Blumenblood21
Summary: "And when you're gone, don't forget my name." In a village with no familiar face,the 13 years old Alfred loses his family. Eventually after 2 months a kind, young man finds him and takes the responsiblity of taking care of him. Arthur Kirkland affiliates him. Arthur sends him to the school and takes care of him with full attention. But what happens, when their relationship changes
1. Prologue

I am so much in love with this fandom. This is my first hetalia fanfic.

Human AU.

Ships:

USUK/ USPoland/ GerRus/ Spamano/ UKdenmark

Prolog

When he opened his eyes, all he could see was a shadow of dark redness over his eyes. He fixed his eyes at the sky and ran a hand across his blood washed face. fresh blood ran over his face and he wiped it away in an attempt to clearify his vision. His head panged. It hurt so much that he couldn't stand on his feet. Once he managed to sat up, he noticed that his clothes were also dreadfully torn and his bleeding body was brutally exposed. Alfred didn't remember what had happened. He looked around and saw his parents. They were dead. He was so overwhelmed that even his tears refused to fall. His chest hurt. Everything hurt.

As the numbness grew further, he became more aquanted with the feeling, and so, he started to walk again, aimlessly, without a place to look for.

Nights and days, he walked. Nights and days, he met people who just passed by him and cast him worried, disguested, horrified looks, but none of them offered him a hand, everyone, except an English youngman who took him to the nearest hospital as soon as he saw him stumble around. The kind man, Arthur, even went so far and took the full responsiblity of taking care of him.

Everything seemed wonderfully dream like. Arthur was happy. Alfred was happy. But, there were still some conflicts and problems. Alfred couldn't remember his family. He was deciding irrationally sometimes, which led both Arthur and him into more problems...


	2. One

He was lost, alone and without hope. Actually, he lost them because they were already dead. Although, he hadn't seen them with his own eyes, still he believed the words he heard years ago, back when he was only 13 years old. He couldn't remember them quite well, or the way they had disappeared from his life, he still doesn't care. He doesn't remember them anymore, anyway. He doesn't want to remember them at all, because they are part of his past, not future, nor present. He like his new life and is thankful of that.

He remembers the first he had met the man he adores the most, the man he trusts blindly. The man, who has saved him years ago from that torturing loneliness, and helped to regain his life, reminded him of breathing and optimism for a better future. He loves Arthur more than his actual father. At his 14th birthday, Arthur had adopted and brought him to his home, officially as his own member of family. Only God knew then how Alfred felt. How he still feels. For Alfred, Arthur is like a treasure; untouchable, unreachable, and rare to find. Although just like his childhood he isn't able to get enough visits from Arthur, Alfred loves him unconditionally. He is proud of Arthur, for he is a hardworking man who owns so much with only a young age. Arthur has always been a hard worker who cares a lot about his friends and family, but still he meets very scarcely. Maybe 3 times in a year or so and for Alfred it is ok, as long as he even meets Arthur once in a year, but in a full length of happiness and contentment. Alfred isn't sure how to address Arthur. He can't address him as his father, because he is only 6 years older than him, but still Arthur gives him that fatherly love he needs. He can't address him as his brother, too, because they look nothing like each other. Nothing. Arthur, an English man with green eyes, dark blond hair and filled eyebrows looks nothing like Alfred, an American with blue eyes and light blond hair with relatively thin eyebrows. Also, they have nothing in common when it comes to behaviour, too. Alfred is a happy child who likes to enjoy his moment, but is still smart and intellectual. Arthur is a serious, smart man who likes to use his time properly.

Alfred has thought about that term for a long time, and now, he doesn't even bother to contemplate about it. There are no answers to his questions. Now, Arthur Kirkland is only his Arthur. His Art. A person he loves without even caring about his relationship with him. Isn't love always like this? His heart is so filled of love, because of the little joys he has gained while staying under Arthur's wings that protect him. Alfred will always respect Arthur.

But, He misses Arthur a lot. Arthur doesn't smile at him like before; he rarely laughs or joins with his jokes. He has grown to be dead serious. Alfred misses Arthur's high pitched laughter and the way he rubs his head when he is laying down, his head on Arthur's lap. He can't remember the last time he did it after his 14th birthday. Now, at 17th, he is celebrating it alone. Arthur hasn't shown up yet to tell him how important he is, like every year he used to say. 'You are very precious for me.' And with that Arthur has kissed his forehead and ran his hand through his blond hair 'till he fell asleep. Arthur doesn't do that anymore. The last time he saw his smile was at his 15th birthday. A birthday without any laughter kisses or hugs, only a smile. A single, thin and stern smile as his birthday present. But it doesn't effect on Alfred's point of view towards Arthur. He still loves him. Even if he is cutting his cake by himself, even if Arthur hasn't appeared around him for nearly 2 years, Even if god forbidden, Arthur has forgotten him, he will love him and wait.

Actually, Alfred has never been alone, he only feels like that because Arthur hasn't been there, besides him. Alfred lives with Arthur's maid and has a friend. A friend sometimes he forgets about. But he likes him. Alfred likes that kid like his little brother. They kind of look alike, but still they are very different. Mathew is a Canadian guy with a kind heart, who will sacrifice his happiness to others especially for Alfred's sake. He cares for Alfred. He has always been with Alfred, even if the elder sometimes ignores him.

Now, sitting beside each other, Alfred ignites the candles on his cake and sits quiet on his chair with his eyes closed. He wishes. Shortly after that, he blows the candles off and Mathew claps for him. Finally, Alfred has turned 17 years old. His older brother has grown up so well, and he is proud of him.

Turning to his side, he smiles at Alfred and opens his arms. Alfred likes hugs a lot. He hugs him and rubs his head. They are both lonely in this world. No matter how good they live, still they are alone. That's why both of them are so close as family to each other. Mathew meets Alfred pretty often, but still they're far away from each other. A country. England and France. Two countries parted away, and this distance has parted Mathew from Alfred. Mathew lives in France and only comes to England with his father. Well, Mathew's father and Arthur are good friends so that is how they have met on the first place. Alfred was short back then and Mathew was chubby, but they had become friends the moment they met. Ever since then, they have been the closest to each other.

Their hug breaks and Mathew tilts his head to a side.

"What did you wish?" He asks Alfred as he lies on the ground with his head on his lap.

"Arthur..." Arthur is everything Alfred thinks. Arthur is everything. Mathew just smiles at him and lets Alfred sleep, maybe he can get reunited with Arthur on his dreams. Alfred used to cry when he was little because Arthur couldn't come back on time like he had promised. Back then Alfred cried, and now, Mathew can still feel the emotions trapped behind his care free behaviour.

Alfred sighs and falls asleep, very slowly. Alfred is a grown up now, but he is always like a kid in Mathew's eyes; a huge baby.

As the night drafts by, Mathew falls asleep, too. Although, his dreams are totally different from what Alfred dreams.

The sun's rays hit on his face as he squints his eyes and tries to focus. On his side the wall clocks shows 9:30 am. Alfred notices that he has been sleeping on that position for a night long. He looks up and smiles as Mathew snores softly with his head bowed to his side.

Alfred sits up from his place and ruffles Mathew's hair.

Mathew wakes up slowly and yawns. He goes to the toilet and washes his face and brushes his teeth. Once finished, the car behind the door horns. Both lads know now that it's their farewell time, no matter how much they hate it. The car horns again and Alfred leads Mathew toward the door. He hugs him for the last time before opening the door.

The man who owns the car comes out of it and pulls Mathew in a longing hug. He kisses his head. He shakes Alfred's hand, too, and he guides Mathew to the car. Before he sets off, he greets Alfred shortly.

"How're you doing, little man?"

"Thanks sir, Francis"

Francis only nods and turns to walk away but he halts for a second.

"Arthur is coming." He smirks at Alfred and goes off.

Alfred recalculates his words and by time he understands, a sudden jolt of happiness explodes in his body. He feels excited like a kid. He sprints toward home and makes sure everything is clean and perfect, because Arthur loves cleanness.

He pulls a clean shirt on and makes sure he looks fine on his clothes. Well, in some ways he always manages to look fine, because of some reasons he doesn't know!

Alfred is very excited for meeting Arthur after 2 damn years. Oh, and he misses him so much. Alfred walks on circle around the living room and thinks about the different ways he could possibly confront him.

He wants to hug him like before. He wants to bury his face against his chest to smell his clean scent just like before. And he wants to kiss him, because Arthur made him wait this long. Even though he hates these sorts of intimation, Alfred still longs to kiss him. A welcome to the one he loves the most.

Around the noon on that day, Alfred hears the delicate knocks on the door. He runs toward it and flings it open. His heart sinks down and his eyes become tearful as he sees Arthur in front of him. He forces himself to stop his tears, but there is no use to it. Arthur has already seen those tears and he stretches his hand toward Alfred's cheeks. He palpates his wet cheeks and runs his finger across his face. Alfred can feel his legs weakening but, he still stands up straight. Only then he notices that Arthur has hugged him and lets his sobs free. They step inside the house while hugging each other. Arthur strokes his hair passionately and sometimes he croons palliative words. Arthur breaks the hug and goes inside the living room. He sits on a couch and watches Alfred sit after him.

"You've grown up." Arthur says with a very calm and dominant voice, but still a smile can be seen.

"Two years, Art. Two years. God and Mathew know how much I missed you." Alfred shakes his head and sighs as he looks at Arthur. Arthur feels like a dream to catch; a beautiful, exquisite dream. He barely recalls the last the last time Arthur had smiled so brightly and if his emerald eyes shone this bright.

"Well, at least you are taller, now." Arthur adds quietly with amusement. He sips his tea and listens to Alfred.

"Actually, taller than you are. But I don't care, because you are here. And until you are with me, I don't want to speak about useless topics. I missed you, Art. I still miss you..." Alfred's words are like knife for Arthur, because he knows that he has made him wait so long. So long that Alfred has grown up to become man. So long that he has missed the chances of kissing him when he slept. So long that he forgot about the fact that Alfred has turned into a man, an adult. Now, Alfred seems unreachable; out of his hand, out of his touch. Far away from him, Arthur longs to touch him, to hug him once again, to kiss his forehead and to tell him that he has missed him so badly. As Arthur drafts to his thoughts and day dreaming, Alfred shifts closer to him, besides him, Alfred kisses his head.

Arthur shakes and looks up at Alfred who once was just a little child but now, he is towering. That is all Arthur ever wanted. Another touch from Alfred, but nevertheless, he responds rather harshly.

"That is very inappropriate." Alfred sits, shocked from his statement.

"But you used to kiss me..." Alfred now understands the reason behind it and looks at Arthur once again. He distances himself and sits on the other side of the couch. His fist is still clenched as if he were ready to punch who ever dared to come near, but he just smiles at Arthur; a fake, dry smile. Not Al's smile.

"As you wish, Mr Kirkland" Arthur nods his head and finishes his tea. He stands up to go to his room, but before, he turns toward Alfred and leans over to his side, leaving a space between them.

"You know, I missed you, too." He smiles at Alfred and gestures toward him to follow. Alfred is ready to scream at him or even worse, hit him across the face. What the fuck is his problem? He used to kiss him. He kisses Francis four times as they greet. European greeting! He kisses Mathew pretty often. What the fuck is going on with Arthur. Alfred finds himself glaring at the elder's back while muttering.

"I am not leaving anymore." Alfred thinks, he has heard something gibberish, for those words were never familiar to him.

"Huh?" A simple response and Arthur feels on the edge of explosion. Why on earth should he repeat such an obvious declaration? He feels the need to take Alfred to a doctor, just to check his damn ears. It annoys him to repeat something several times.

"You are joking, Art?"

Arthur

a sigh escapes his mouth.

"Yes, Alfred. Yes." Alfred stands still for a solid moment and with widen eyes he reaches his hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"What is it now?" The care free Alfred, now looks dead serious. And when he shots his eyes up from the ground, Arthur can feel the aura rising. He stands pinned on place and narrows his eyes in anticipation.

"Arthur, don't play with me."

"You don't trust me?" Alfred lets go of his shoulder. He had trusted him once, back when he had asked him the same question for the first time. Yes, he trusts Arthur like his eyes and ears, but still it is a fear that makes him hesitant.

"My work place has moved to this city. Don't worry, Alfred."

Arthur goes to his room. He places his luggage and stirs Alfred to come in and sit. He opens his first luggage and pulls a box out of it. He motions it toward Alfred. It is a simple, handmade and beautiful wooden box.

"Open." Alfred obeys and opens the box carefully. His eyes shoot wide as he sees the expensive pearl necklace. He stares at it for a while and then looks up at Arthur. Arthur likes the way Alfred can express his feelings by his face, just like now. His face is like a compass. Surprised. Overjoyed, maybe.

He nods his head at Alfred and actually wants to say something like 'That is yours and you deserve more.' But instead he snatches the box from him.

"Keep it safe. It is very old." He hands the box back to Alfred.

"But why?" Yeah, why? Why did Arthur give it to someone clumsy as Al out of the earth? Because he feels like it is the least he can do for the younger?

"You are asking a lot." Alfred drops his gaze from Arthur to the box and presses it to his chest. He stands up and aims to go to his own room; to bury his new treasure somewhere between the load homework papers. Oh God, if only Arthur could see his room before, he would've fainted. Now, his room is clean and approachable.

Arthur settles everything to his room neatly and lies down on his bed. As he shuts his eyes close, Alfred enters his room and without a warning, he throws himself on Arthur's bed beside him. He laughs as Arthur tries to run away like a cat, paddling. Arthur really gives afford and the energy, but unfortunately, Alfred has him between his strong arms, and it hits him all of the sudden that Alfred isn't only taller than him but he is surely a muscle pack, too. He gives up and allows Alfred snuggle him.

Shakily, he moves his hand toward Alfred and rubs his upper back.

"Hey... it is ok. Ca... Can you let go? Now?" Huh, Alfred definitely needs a physicist now, because his grip tightens around Arthur's waist.

"Two years, Arthur. Two years. Don't you think it is comfortable like this? Only me and you, close like before. Ah, Arthur. You don't know how much I missed you." He is truthful and this truthfulness makes Arthur's heart ache. He hears a small hitch and gets half up. He looks down at Alfred's pressed face against his stomach's side and his shaking form. Alfred glares up at him with tearful eyes. Arthur feels guilty again as tears stains the face of his loved one. Those tears are shaded because of him.

"I am sorry, Alfred. I really am. Here, come up, closer." Alfred crawls closer to his level and turns to his side to face Arthur as he is already by his side and faces him.

Now, Alfred can easily study Arthur's face. Arthur is beautiful, strong and delicate. Even now with his fluffy hair and unshaved face. Even with the tired expression. And Alfred loves him. Arthur appears more handsome than he once was. He has grown up, too. He isn't that sloppy man. He has grown. For the elder, Alfred still somehow looks like a kid. Although his legs are dangling from his bed and he is huge by size, still his behaviour reminds him of the first day they had met on that village, but somehow now, Alfred appears more intimating, handsome and polite. Arthur doesn't feel uncomfortable as he is held again in Alfred's embrace. This handsome Alfred once was only a 13 years old child, but with 17 years, he holds more power than Arthur himself.

"17, huh?"

"Ye."

Alfred locks his arms around his waist and pulls him closer.

"You?" He hates to admit it, but he has no choice. Lying isn't an option.

"23."

"Can I stay here?"

"Yes, Alfred."

"You are good."

"You, too."

"You smell nice, Arthur." Alfred digs his head farther to the elder's side and pulls him closer.

"Because I am sweaty and haven't showered?" Arthur asks jokingly with a smile chuckle.

"N...no. You always smell nice. Let me be like this. I missed you." Arthur runs his fingers in the younger's blond hair and for the first time since their interaction, he pulls the younger close to himself.

"Me, too." As there are no room left for them, Alfred throws a leg over Arthur and presses himself against him. Even in that uncomfortable position, they both fall asleep rather peacefully.

On 7 a.m. they wake up go to eat something. Alfred cooks the food and Arthur washes the dishes. Their chores get divided evenly between them.

"How is Mathew doing?" Arthur asks while washing the plates.

"He has been here three days ago. He is fine as always. We had a sleepover." Sleepover.

"So? What you guys did?" The obvious intention behind Arthur's question irritates him.

"Birthday cake."

"Oh." Arthur blushes.

The night comes soon and with that, after consuming their dinner, they sleep, but before, Alfred asks Arthur about something important. At least, it is important to Alfred if not for Arthur.

"Arthur, what are you to me?" He asks quietly as he observes the elder.

Arthur stands motionless.

"Who are you to me?" Alfred asks again.

To be continued


	3. Two

The last time he asked him that question was many years ago, and now, Alfred wants to receive an answer to his question. Arthur gives him the right to get curious and knows very well that at Alfred's age, he is just as curious and intrusive. Arthur knows very well that Alfred will need to have his answer soon. Soon, he will get to know everything from the beginning point till the end or until now. Arthur must try hard to keep Alfred happy, at least till that time comes. Alfred is still a teenager and nothing more, Alfred's smile and his optimistic tone, his glittering blue eyes and his blond hair are perfect. Alfred has been perfect and now, he looks mellow. Mostly because he has grown up to be kind and caring and now, Alfred has looked at him with those eyes and his caring voice.

Arthur loses his voice as he tries to find an answer, but his mind calculates nothing. He finds himself silenced and after a moment he begins to open his mouth, still standing on his feet.

"Alfred, let's talk about it later, good?" Yes. It was good to fool a younger by a lie. Arthur himself was as clueless as Alfred, but still he doesn't want to find an answer to that question. He just wanted to stay by his side and feel him, till his hands reach him. Alfred is like a golden treasure for him, rare, pretty, strong and hard to reach. Now, his gold lives with him and he doesn't want to destroy his happy moments. Let them be what they are, who gives a fuck?

They live together, who cares?

They eat together and sometimes they even end up upon the same bed, and as if the bed had been shrunk they get closer and snuggle till they fall asleep. Peacefully. But who cared?

It doesn't even bother Arthur. It is his home and he can live like this. Even though the rumours are growing more than ever, Arthur gives zero affords to stop those rumours, he will stay like this as long as he had Alfred by his side. There no need to let the younger learn about those rumours. At least, not now. The kid he had saved once is piercing his blue orbs into his emerald ones.

"Arthur, who are you to me?" Alfred asks with the softest voice he can pull off. He reaches his hand out for Alfred and rubs his hair. Yeah, his hair feels good; so soft and wavy. He is nearly an adult now and is still growing. Arthur knows for sure that one day Alfred will have to leave and discover the world by himself, discover the truth about himself, the things he doesn't know. Alone, as Arthur was once.

"I don't know." He mutters with hesitation on his voice and shakes his head. He looks back at Alfred who is eagerly waiting for his solid response. He furrows his eyebrows and glares at Arthur.

"But, I love you." Arthur continues and places his hand on Alfred's shoulder. With that, the younger's eyes grow wide and opens his mouth to say something, but he has already lost his voice to his wonderment, all he can do is just look.

Arthur just smiles at him and nods his head kindly, before leaving him alone and going to upstairs.

He keeps on walking till he reaches to his door and once inside, he sits on his bed and lets a silent groan out of his stuffed throat. He is exhausted of dealing with everyone outside his house and now, his only happiness has begun to ask the same non-sensual question as the strangers do. But why is a little simple question this frustrating and exhausting? Why can't he just say something? Why does he feel so naïv when it comes to this question?

He once even caught in a fight with Francis over this, but then he knew that that frog was telling the truth and nothing else.

Arthur is confused, too, but he doesn't care anymore. He loves Alfred, the way they are, just for the way he is, just for the way they know each other. Arthur can't stand without Alfred, and he knows that the younger can't stand without him, too.

The next day comes and with that Alfred has to go to the school. He has done all his homework and is ready for the new week. As for Arthur, he is still on his holidays and stays at home for a few days. Arthur drives the younger to the school gate and halts the car to a side. Arthur hasn't driven him like this for so long. Last time he dropped Alfred on the gate, he was still short and small, but now as a senior student, he looks pretty much appealing.

When Alfred leaves the car and waves his hand at Arthur, suddenly a group of young people of his age attacks him from behind. His friends.

Alfred reaches his hands out to them and pulls them all into a warm, crashing brace. Arthur hasn't left yet and just watches Alfred joke around his friends as he walks further away. He notices the glances from his girl-friends and the other female side walkers. Some whisper to each other, some giggle and some just stare.

Alfred is good looking and handsome, but he never has the intention of using it in those ways.

He is young but he doesn't want to play like some of his male friends do. Maybe he doesn't want to get involved with those things. He watches Alfred laugh so loud and so filled with confident, blond hair dance with the wind, and lips stretched into a cheeky smile.

Finally, Arthur drives off as he sees the last glimpses of the younger disappear.

As Alfred walks inside his class, suddenly someone back slaps him. He turns around just to see a smirking Italian standing behind him. He smiles back and turns fully to hug the so called Italian, named Lovino.

Lovino Vargas has been his best friend since junior high and he really likes his company during the school days and weekends. Lovino lives with his adoptive family, too, just like himself. Although, Alfred is younger than Lovino, but still they get along good together. Even, if Lovino is more of a grumpy person.

The first bell rings and they have to settle before their teacher enters the room. As said, Alfred sits beside Lovino.

The teacher arrives to the loud classroom and with a knock; he hushes everybody in the class.

He drops his books on his table and sits on his place before pulling the attendance book out. He clears his throat and with a breath, he begins to call the students name one by one with a slightly, noticeable Spanish accent.

Lovino loves this session by all meanings and is always on top of the grades. He doesn't only love the language but he actually loves this Spaniard, too. As far as Alfred knows, Lovino has been into this teacher since 2 years ago. Just when Arthur left him for the last time, one day Lovino had confessed to Alfred.

The Spaniard is young and not very old from the rest of the students. He has emerald green eyes, which are nearly like Arthur's with wavy, dark brown hair. He likes to wear loosen white shirts with black jeans. Just the way Lovino loves him to dress. Mr. Fernandez smiles a lot, too, and only God knows what goes on with Lovino during every 45 minutes of Spanish session.

The first period finishes rather smoothly and weirdly. Lovino ends up alone with Mr. Fernandez at the last minutes and Alfred has to leave them alone and pretend he has seen nothing.

The second bell goes off and he runs down to his history class. Thankfully or not, he will not see Lovino till the 5th period. He wonders about those two and what they are doing, now. At school. Disgusting.

The lesson begins with the entrance of the teacher; Mr. Edelstein. He is one of the kindest men he has ever met. His delicate gestures and courtesy has ranked him as one of the favourites in the school.

Alfred is now sitting with another guy. With a strange guy who appears to be from Germany but claims to be from Prussia. Well, for that all of the history class gets dismissed, because Mr. Edelstein ends up in an eternal discussion with him and has to explain the whole history of Austria-Prussia relationship and told him that he isn't a national betrayer. That fucking kid nearly breaks the delicateness of Mr. Edelstein. At the end all the students slick out of the class and leave them to their debate.

Break time comes and Alfred finds himself sitting alone. He closes his eyes as his appetite hadn't called for him. As he starts to drift off, he feels his sides getting pushed. He opens his eyes and sees Lovino beside him, clothes dishevelled, catching breath through his mouth, gasping once in a while and blushy. That view clicks on Alfred's mind and he understands the reason to Lovino's absense on history's class. Lovino slides down slowly with wonky stops till he reaches the ground and groans once he settles. Thankfully they are outside of the building or else he would've had to deal with the school principle.

As the curiosity boils him up with courage, Alfred pats his thighs and Lovino flinches. Alfred is sure that they have done it. Well, good for them, especially Lovino. He had to wait for a month. Guess he will have to wait another month for the next round. He has to get better and heal till that time. Lovino must be hurt by now as he is trembling and gasping, but he still smiles at Alfred and scoots closer to him. He lays his head to Alfred's shoulder and begins to mumble a Spanish song. Lovino is in love. Alfred doesn't know what love is; the sensation, the pain and afford.

"Was he good this time?" Alfred raves a little seriously.

"Yeah. He did it better." Lovino huffs and continues on mumbling the tones. They sit in silence for the rest of the pause and when the bell tones again, Alfred has to help him stand up. For sure his limps hurt. Before entering the building Alfred helps Lovino arrange his clothes again. Once in, they have to hurry to their next class and walk normally, as if nothing has happened. Nothing has changed too, as for Lovino; his mood has gotten lightened by a bit. Alfred smiles at him every time their gazes meet and at the end they both laugh and laugh.

Alfred has never understood Lovino. He risks a danger to just spend a few minutes with Mr. Fernandez. Maybe it is because he has never been in love. Alfred surely feels curious.

The day is off and it is time for them to head home. Luckily, Alfred has his company with; Lovino.

All through the way, all the American can think about is Lovino. He wants to ask questions.

Half way through their destination Alfred finally manages to ask.

"Hey, I have a question. If, it is ok to ask." Lovino stops walking and waits for him to ask.

"How do you feel when you are with him?" Lovino drifts his eyes away for a mille-sec and sighs.

"Wonder. Pain. Pleasure." Alfred feels his legs weakening and he just stands on his place, too afraid to move and fall with his face.

He is obviously too curious about everything Romano has mentioned by those words.

"What is wonderful?" He lets his curiosity led his mouth.

"When we are together, intertwined like there is nothing meant to be, except, us. When he touches me..." Lovino is stopped by Alfred's sudden reddened face.

"Alfred, don't tell me you are a fucking virgin. Is that why you are asking me all of these questions?!" Lovino tries to hide his mocking attitude but he isn't successful.

"No... no. Yes! I am a virgin and it is not wrong. I am only 17 years old, unlike you. 19." Lovino wiggles his eyebrows and smirks fondly. Just as he wants to stir up from his place, he winces in pain.

"Lovino, are you all right? Damn it! Hadn't I told you to be careful? Why are you like this? Why do like to be harmed?" Alfred screams at his face and shakes him a few times.

"You will get to know it too, once you find the right one." With that statement Lovino makes sure for the younger, that the younger will eventually get what he wants to know. Alfred has watched the elder's expression change when the certain Spaniard gets mentioned, and now, his name made Lovino smile.

His angry expression softens and he smiles at him. Alfred wants to have someone like Antonio who can change his mood. Well, Arthur is there, but Arthur is someone else. Something else...

Alfred comes home and changes his clothes. Arthur hasn't come home yet as his room is locked and his shoes aren't on their place. Alfred wonders what he might be doing even when he is on his holidays.

He does his remaining homework and studies for a while before falling asleep.


	4. Three

The night comes and Alfred is soundly asleep. He wakes up by the voice of front door cracking open. He wishes to sleep more but his heart wants to reach for Arthur and hug him and tell the Englishman that it is not a good time to come home, in middle of the night.

Alfred reluctantly walks down the stairs, yawns and stretches his body till he gets to the hall. Arthur is sitting on the chair and looks very tired and sleepless. The younger approaches him and says nothings, Arthur, too. They both look at each other for a long time till the elder of them both breaks the contest and catches Alfred's hand with his own. He shakes his hand slowly and runs his thumb on the back of his hand. Alfred notices that something is off; that something is bothering Arthur a lot and that something has a connection with him. He isn't sure what has happened but he wants the elder to not over push himself, over work or worry.

"Where were you?" Alfred asks with his raspy, sleepy voice and waits patiently till the older answers him.

After waiting for so long and studying the elder man, Alfred senses now that Arthur is drunk, too.

It happens very rarely for him to get drunk; unlike his many other friends Arthur doesn't like alcohol.

Something is bothering him to the breaking point and he needs to ease, calm those inner feelings with drinking. Stupid decision, but that is how things are now. People don't communicate with each other, they don't like to ask for help or to talk to someone they trust, instead they begin to drink; to use drugs, to smoke or even worse, self-harm. Alfred, despite knowing the fact that Arthur is a grown up man, still fears that Arthur might've started with those bad habits. He surely doesn't want something like that to happen. If Arthur hurts himself, he hurts Alfred, too.

"Alfred,... come closer." The tone and the expression that the Englishman uses appear to be in another level of exhaustion and tiredness. The circles under his eyes are strongly shaded and in contrast with his pale-creamy skin, it stands out.

The elder of the both men takes Alfred's hands and pulls him closer towards himself. Alfred obeys what the elder comes up with. He sits Alfred on his place and Arthur himself, kneels down in front of the younger. His head is tilted down and he feels ashamed. Hurt.

"Alfred... what do you think about me?" With all the tiredness and exhaustion, Arthur's piercing eyes are always powerful and dominant, and Alfred loves to dive in to that emerald ocean.

"How?" Of course, Alfred doesn't know what Arthur is talking about or what is in his mind; but soon the thoughts click in his mind and he gets to understand what the older means.

The same question he has asked him one night ago.

"I don't know, Arthur." Arthur. "But, I swear that I love you. I love you so much, Arthur." Arthur's mind turns every thought into a blurry mess, as he tries to concentrate on the words he hears. He likes it a lot when the younger pronounces his name with that stern voice. He loves it, actually.

"I love you, too." He truly loves the younger. No matter what the outsiders might've think about them, he loves him. He doesn't need a state to show it. He doesn't need a brother bond, family bond or even lover's bond. They love each other just for the way they are. They complete each other's life.

"Alfred... say my name again." The elder commands his words as he lays his head on Alfred's thigh, who is now sitting on the chair, looking at him through thick lashes in bewilderment. Alfred strokes his head and his hands move automatically down to his shoulder and then to his back.

"Arthur, I love you." Oh, it is a sensation of joy and happiness. How much do those words can make one happy, Arthur is the happiest when those confessions reach his ears. When Alfred says his name like that. He doesn't have to worry anymore. The younger loves him.

The other day Alfred wakes up earlier than Arthur as his clock goes on. He gently places the elder's head on a cushion.

Alfred gets ready for school and changes his clothes. After that, he prepares the breakfast for both of them.

Arthur opens his eyes and feels a little disappointed when he feels a cushion instead of Alfred's lap under his head. The house is empty and once the memories of the last night gathers in his mind, he feels embarrassed.

Alfred has walked himself to his school and it is actually something he has done for the past 2 years. He likes to walk. He checks his locker and as he is about to go to his Spanish lesson, someone walks past him; a new student.

His locker is placed beside Alfred's. The American is feeling his curiosity rise. The new student looks at him with his blue eyes.

"New here?" Alfred asks politely and waits for an answer. He gets horribly polite when he is nervous, or wants to know something eagerly.

"Yes." A short answer. Cold.

"Which class?"

"A-12OZ" classmates?

"You are in my class." The taller looks at Alfred and for the first time since they've met, he quirks a small smile. Suddenly his stoic face softens by a bit and nods his head.

"I am Ludwig." Ludwig stretches his hand towards Alfred and they shake hands. Alfred returns the gesture with a boxy smile.

"Are you German?" Ludwig nods again. He isn't the one who is likely to speak.

"I am Alfred." He says joyfully; but what comes next, surprises him more.

"I know." How does a new student know him? He thinks for a moment.

"I mean I saw your name on the locker." Ludwig scratches his head awkwardly and looks away.

Alfred is already looking forward to a new friendship.

Today Lovino isn't at the school so Ludwig and Alfred end up sitting beside each other. The German's language skills are incomparable, but still he has some problems with pronunciations. Tiny mistakes with 'R' and 'th' which is totally fine. It is because of his language. Ludwig explains to Alfred that he comes from Berlin and there, most of the people pronounce 'R' as 'Gh'; something similar to the famous French 'R'.

Throughout the Spanish session Ludwig and Alfred have to work together on a group project: to translate a Spanish song to English and vice versa.

Alfred has to admit that the German's Spanish is much better than his own and so, he leaves the complicated parts to Ludwig, in which he translates easily. Ludwig is smart. Alfred is smart, too, but Ludwig is smarter. But, still not as fleunt as Lovino when it comes to Spanish.

"Ludwig is your new classmate." When the session is nearly over, Mr. Fernandez introduces Ludwig to his new classmates and something confuses Alfred about the boy, the fact that Gilbert from his history class shares the same last name; Beilschmidt.

"Ludwig, I have a question."

"Ask."

"Gilbert is your brother?" Ludwig nods again. Well it is surprising and unsurprising at the same time; unsurprising because they are the only German speakers in the school alongside their history teacher that came from Austria and that moody Swiss.

Surprising, because Gilbert looks nothing like Ludwig. Gilbert is a half albino and Ludwig is a platinum blond.

Gilbert has the most alien eye colour one could see and Ludwig has the lightest shade of blue eyes Alfred has ever seen.

Ludwig is well built and strong, muscular. Gilbert is well built, too, but he is not as tall as Ludwig. Even their behaviour differs a lot.

"Gilbert is my older brother." Alfred has already noticed that, because Gilbert had once told him, that he has a younger brother.

"You guys look nothing a like."

"Our father is the same person but our mothers are not. When Gilbert was born, his mother died and then dad married my mom. One and a half year later I was born. Mom took care of us both. Dad says that Gilbert's mom was an albino and that is why he is a half albino now. It is a rare condition, not so many people born with that condition survive long." That is the longest the German has spoken till now. Well, since it is their first day, it is more than enough for Alfred to know. One thing he notices soon is, he likes Ludwig. He is a good company and has to keep him close.

"Can I give you a nickname?" Alfred likes to give his close friends nicknames but Ludwig and Lovino are exceptions.

Lovino had called him coffee bastard at their first day of school and Alfred had called him pasta freak. Lovino is a pasta freak, so it is partly true.

As for Ludwig, he looks friendly enough to get his weird nickname.

Ludwig nods. He just nods. 24/7 nodding machine. His cells are filled with nodding DNA and information, Alfred nearly snorts at his inner thoughts. Once Alfred almost thinks that maybe Ludwig's children might carry that information, but Alfred shakes those crazy thoughts out of his mind once his eyes meets those blue orbs. His eyes are blue, too, but Alfred has never seen this shade of the colour that mesmerizes him. So light, so diverse and distinct.

They stare at each other's eyes for a long moment until the bell rings and their eye battle is broken. Alfred has to admire his eye battling skills, too. He is one head higher than him in everything, Alfred assumes. Even eye battles.

Alfred chuckles at the idea.

"What?" Ludwig appears a bit stern and serious when he turns to look at the chuckling American behind him.

"Nothing."

"Good. We have chemistry."

"I suck at chemistry." Well not exactly, but a help wouldn't hurt.

"Don't worry. I can help you with Chemie." Ludwig's expression chimes a bit.

"I mean chemistry." Alfred comes closer to Ludwig and puts his hand on his shoulder. He looks at him seriously with frowned eyebrows.

Ludwig regards his hand placed firmly on his shoulder and back to Alfred. The American bursts into laughter as the German flinches a bit. Just a bit.

"What are you laughing about?" The redness on the German's check makes Alfred laugh even harder.

"You are weird. I like weirdness. Let's be friends." Alfred talks between laughter and waves his hands wildly.

Ludwig's eyes grow big and his mouth agape. He blinks. He looks around them and makes sure that no body is looking.

"Ok. Let's be friends." Why did he look around him? Something is bothering him?

"But..." he stops. Ludwig smiles at Alfred and nods his head. Alfred likes it when he nods his head instead of arguing with 'buts'. Unlike a Brit he knows who will voluntarily argue over anything!

"Let's go to the chemie class." Alfred declares cheerfully and Ludwig just walks slowly behind him.

"I am Ludwig Beilschmidt." Alfred figures that it must've been hard for a quiet person like Ludwig to introduce his name every time they have a new subject.

"You share a lesson with your brother. He is smart and I hope you are smart, too." Their home teacher who happens to be their chemistry teacher, too, talks to him quietly. Alfred is standing right beside Ludwig. He leaves both of them alone and takes a place.

He wonders if Ludwig is going to sit beside him, again. To sit or not to sit.

He chuckles at his inner joke.

Ludwig sits beside him. He looks at him and then back at his text book.

"Alfred, what are your problems with chemistry?" He is already thinking about helping him. "I already talked with our teacher and he agreed." Alfred is definitely going to stick to this kid.

"The organic anatomy of the compounds." Ludwig studies him for a while and claps his hands together. He nods.

"At Tuesdays we have 7 sessions and we can stay an extra period to study. What do you think? Is it good?" Alfred is more than happy. Ludwig must've been sent by God, his chemie-guardian-angel. Gotta keep him close, he repeats.

"I cannot be happier."

Alfred has never met someone like Ludwig. His name is difficult to pronounce, Ludwig calls his own name 'Loodwesh'. He will never get it correct.

Ludwig.

No one has offered him a free help, and it is not like he can't financially afford the tutors. He has just never considered it, but now, he surely wants Ludwig to help him.

He is sitting in their living room with Arthur and Alfred can't stop smiling.

He remembers the way Ludwig blushed slightly and how stoic he appeared. Ludwig.

Arthur notices the smug, annoying smile plastered on younger's face.

"How was the school?" Arthur asks gently and watches Alfred. Alfred nods. What on earth has gotten into Alfred this time? A new friend.

The last time he had been into this state, he had befriended Lovino and at the first day, he acted like him. He blurted at Arthur by calling him 'tea bastard' and that was that.

"New friend, huh?" He asks.

"Yes. A very good friend." Alfred is already unsteady on his place and fidgets. Arthur figures that his new friend has already reserved his place on Alfred's mind.

"He is German." Arthur shoots a glare at him and back at his book. Back at Alfred and back at his book. He clears his throat.

"What is his name?" Curious.

"Ludwig." Arthur says nothing more. As long as Alfred is happy with Ludwig, he is happy, too. Alfred deserves the best.

Arthur puts his book away from his lap on the table and walks close to Alfred.

He reaches his hand out and palpates his hair. His soft, blond hair. Alfred leans closer to the elder's touch and closes his eyes. He likes it when Arthur touches hair and him.

"Art, do you think I will get better in chemistry?" Arthur. And why the fuck is he talking about chemistry when they are in a situation like this, when they are having a moment.

"If you study enough, why not!" Alfred jerks away from his reach and eyes him. He looks super hyped and happy; motivated.

"Ludwig is going to help me. Each. Tuesday." Ludwig has warmed him up.

"It... it is great." It is only a normal thing. A normal friendship but Arthur feels a bit uneasy. Wished he could help him and bring joy to his face.

"Danke." OK, that is enough of it. Alfred has already gone way too far. Arthur shakes his head and sighs. Alfred will never grow, no matter how old he gets.

"You're welcome."

The dinner time comes and since there are zero supplies for them to cook, Arthur suggests going to a restaurant.

They walk together and talk. They enjoy their small company.

"And I was like, I am sorry Mr but I haven't seen a lady with a bag..." Alfred's voice is suiting and cheerful. Arthur would never interrupt him, if not needed. He likes it when Alfred speaks so honestly.

"And then Mr Fernandez told us to do a group project. You won't believe it but Ludwig translated all the difficult words at once." Somewhere between his stories, Alfred had jumps from the homeless man to Ludwig. Arthur gets it. Alfred already likes his new friend, but he hopes that it doesn't grow into something else. Something he fears the most.

"And then Lovino was absent... And then he mispronounces 'th', He says 'z'." Alfred continues on blabbering till they arrive to the restaurant.

They take a place near the window and Alfred sits quietly for once after 30 minutes of talking. He glances at the sky and wonders if Lovino has gotten better or worse. That damn pasta freak always hurts him when he is together with the Spaniard. Does love really means getting hurt? Is it even worth getting hurt? Alfred knows too well that Mr Fernandez would never hurt him so bad but he knows Lovino better, too. Lovino begs and invokes for more. Fucking masochistic bastard.

Alfred sighs spontaneously and turns his face to take a look at the menu.

All this time Arthur has been staring at him. Alfred appears so different when he isn't smiling. Not talking. Quite and handsome.

But since Alfred has sat quiet for too long, Arthur begins to worry. He worries about his decisions, sometimes; if he is thinking about sex or drugs. He hates it when Alfred brings sex between their conversations sometimes or drugs. Teenagers from this era are surely dangerous and unpredictable.

"I would like to have Bangers and mash with onion gravy."

"Same."

"It was delicious." Arthur is now walking toward home with Alfred. It might've been what Arthur considers as delicious but for Alfred, he likes more greasy foods. Pizza and burger are delicious.

This time, their return path is less crowded as the night has grown upon them and the streets are quite. Both of the men walk down the turns and the only thing that can be heard are their shoes stumping the ground.

Alfred is still thinking about Lovino. He must be badly hurt that he even didn't come school today. Injured. Alfred is disgusted by the thought of it; the inappropriate scenes in his head disgust him. He suddenly feels his stomach tangle and bawl up. Alfred stops walking and sits on the stone-worked path way. Arthur watches him precisely. Alfred has been acting weird since yesterday.

"What is wrong?" Alfred looks up and the terror is written all over his face. Arthur has no idea what has happened to him or why is he so terrified. He bends down on Alfred's level and tilts his head up with his hand. Now, he can see tears on the his cheeks. He hates it when Alfred cries, because Alfred never cries. Alfred is as strong as a rock, he never cries. There must be something stressing him. He never broke like this.

"What is wrong, Alfred?" Does he need to tell him? He goes for it.

"I can't walk anymore, my breathe isn't coming out." Panic. Why is he panicking, it is not like Lovino has died. Alfred is panicking because the same thing might happen to him, too. He hates it.

"Why is it hard to have sex?" Arthur freezes on his place and his breath hitches. He hates to talk about it!

"You know I don't like to talk about that thing." By the way Alfred peals his eyes and looks sadly at the elder, Arthur gives up. Maybe, it won't hurt to talk to his junior. He is an adult now, and soon or later he has to know those things.

Of course, Alfred already knows enough about that thing but what Alfred is asking about has nothing to do with biology or any other shits.

"Because... uh, you see... it isn't hard. It is just.. ah... is just natural. Why? Have you done it?" Please Alfred, say no!

"No, but I want to. I am waiting for the right person." Lovino's words are spinning around his mind:' you just have to wait for the right one to come.'. Alfred will wait. Maybe not?

"Oh my God, Alfred, are you out of your mind? You are still 17!" At this point, Arthur is nearly whisper-yelling at the younger.

"I am old enough." Alfred might be old physically and ready, but his mental age is certainly not mature.

"No, you are not." Arthur glares at him and shoves him up from his place on his feet. He drags him all along toward their house and pushes him inside.

"What the fuck, Arthur!?" The younger hisses, and stumps his feet on the ground.

"What the bloody hell are you into? Huh?!" Arthur doesn't want to over push Alfred. He just wants to protect him. He doesn't want him to be left all heart broken. He wants to change the subject. Alfred hasn't done it yet, still he is panicking about it.

"I said I am old." No you are not.

"Alfred, it is stupid. Look at you, why do you want to waste your youth and time on something so stupid?" It is a part of his youth. He is a young man. Maybe, he even needs it, but the overprotectiveness of the Englishman won't allow it. Not till Alfred gets completely conscious of his surroundings.

"What? I just want to know! Everyone on my age knows that." Alfred.

"Ok do whatever shits you want to. I don't know how to stop you. You are an adult now, go and do as you wish!" Arthur howls at him and sends him his last unsatisfied glare before running upstairs to his room.

Alfred runs after him and yanks his door open. He has never felt so angry. He hates it when Arthur wants him to stay as a kid; like he wishes him to be. Alfred is a human and has feeling, desires just like Arthur himself. He wants to grow and it is his first step. Even, though it is the last step of growing up for most of the teenagers. Alfred hasn't talked with Arthur about his other decisions, he has decided to leave and get his own house once his school is finished.

Till now, Alfred had a hero, but one day, he wants to be a hero for someone else, for himself. He wants to be an Arthur for another Alfred. Now, Arthur even doesn't let him have sex, how he would react once he hears about him moving out.

He is confused.

"What are you doing?" Arthur jumps up from his bed with his comfy clothes and comes to close his door again.

"What do you see?" Arthur sees an angry teenager who is out of his damn mind, and wants to do something recklessly ridiculous at a young age.

"What do you want?" Arthur grits his teeth together and feels his pulses rising.

Alfred pushes the door and holds Arthur by his shoulders and shuts the door behind them.

He stands in front of him with his fist clenched.

"What are you doing?!" Arthur yells at him. Even though the man standing in front of him is Alfred, he still can't and won't bear someone so disrespectful.

Alfred pushes Arthur further and with his last strike, he sends him straight falling on his bed, faced upwards. Alfred climbs over the bed, on top of Arthur with his hands besides his face.

"Alfred..." Arthur is terrified, what are his intentions? Why is he acting like an ass? What does he want? Arthur's voice hushes, his heart is beating too fast and he feels sweat run down his eyebrows.

He tries to get out of Alfred's grab but there is no use.

"Let's do it..." Alfred whispers in his ear and pins him down harder. Arthur doesn't want it. Alfred either. Alfred just wants to show him that he isn't a kid anymore and wants to decide for himself. In other words, he wants to show off. On the other hand, Arthur is already about to faint. He can't believe his eyes neither ears. In his own house, his personal room, invaded by his beloved one. He can't handle it.

"Get off!" Arthur tries for the last time, before Alfred leans down and kisses him softly. Alfred has closed his eyes and it is Arthur who isn't conscious anymore. It is a nightmare.

Slowly the reality hits him harder, once Alfred starts to move his lips against his. It feels so strange, so soft and yet so insane. Arthur tries to scream but his voice comes out only as inaudible mutters. He tries to move his muscle but he is all numb. Alfred is the dominant, now. Alfred moves and Alfred decides. Arthur lets go of his useless endeavours. There is no use once Alfred puts his entire mind on something. He gives up, but he makes sure that once this delusion is finished, he would never look at Alfred the same way he used to. He might even drive him out of house.

"Arthur..." Alfred mutters his name with an unfamiliar tone. Maybe lust. This is insane!

"Alfred... please let me go." He has never used the word 'please' with Alfred before.

Alfred attacks him once again and Arthur loses his voice again. Maybe he is going crazy, maniac, because somewhere between the kisses he enjoys the feeling. Arthur doesn't want it, but he also wants it. Oh, it is so difficult for him. Alfred makes it for him. The first moan skips his mouth and leaves him startled. Alfred stops for a moment and looks at Arthur with surprised expression. He grins and presses his lips against the elder's.

Alfred feels the butterflies in his stomach. He enjoys it. He wants more, maybe, just maybe, it is what their relationship is supposed to be like. Maybe, this is the reason he isn't able to label Arthur as his family. He realizes that this is what, that has been missing between them. How crazy, momentarily insane.

Alfred moves his hands slowly up and catches a fist full of Arthur's hair and with the other, he rubs his arms.

They break off. Arthur looks dishevelled and can't believe what he is doing. Alfred has always doubted something like this to happen. But why isn't he satisfied. He is doing the thing that has gotten him confused and this is the answer, but doesn't feel joy, pain, contentment. He wants more but it is just emptiness. Parts of him repeat that he can't use Arthur like this; to explore feelings. He wants those feelings that Lovino had described.

He continues.

"Alfred.. "

"Arthur..."

"Stop. Stop this is insanity." Arthurs says half-heartedly.

"Call my name, Arthur." Alfred loves it when Arthur calls his name, with passion not anger. He wants more of that unknown pleasure.

"Alfred..." Arthur squirms under his grasp. Hasn't felt like this in years. Hasn't thought about it for so long. This is insane and useless. Falling again is insane.

Too late, Alfred has invaded him. He is going to be the cause of his pain, happiness and suffer. Arthur isn't welcoming those feelings towards the younger, but he can't stop them either. They existed in his heart, always have, and he only needed this night to discover them.

Alfred's hands are running all around his body...

One is feeling the warmth and one is searching. One is falling and one is still carrying on.

For Arthur it is too late, he has fallen. He has fallen since the day he came back. Since the day he saw this brand new Alfred. Insane.

Alfred will never do something like that again. Never. Arthur has pushed him away before he was going too far. The expression that the elder had showed him was unreadable. Was he hurt, in pain or happy? Oh, Arthur has gotten it but it is Alfred who actually searches them. He hasn't found them with Arthur. He is still the same numb person. Clueless. What is true love that Alfred can't find, feel or long for?

Alfred goes to his room and locks himself till the next morning. Another school day.

Today is a brand new day for both of them. But, the things that have happened last night will never vanish from their minds. Arthur wakes up with a new blossoming feeling and Alfred with disappointment and self-hatred.

They both try their best to not to interact, although Arthur ends up driving the younger to his school. Arthur has gotten some hickeys on his neck and shoulder. He hates them and he has applied several layers of foundation to hide them.

"Sorry." Alfred mutters before leaving the car. He runs as fast as he can till he reaches to the entry gate and looks back. He feels so ashamed that he wishes to melt. Arthur is still there, looking at him with a stoic face and his sunglasses are blocking his emerald eyes to be seen. Alfred nods hesitantly and with that Arthur drives away. Arthur's job begins since that day; with his stupid, ugly, bruised marks.

He wants to curse the American to hell, but his heart doesn't allow him. He once he was able to curse him, but not anymore.

Alfred runs directly to his first class, mathematics with Mr Brandon. As he walks down the hall near to his class, he crashes with someone, with Ludwig. From the other turn on the hall, Lovino can be seen.

Lovino stands on his place and narrows his eyes at him.

Ludwig looks at Alfred with an unreadable expression, like always. Maybe, it is the bags under Alfred's eyes that makes Ludwig stare at him for this long. Nevertheless, Alfred pats the elder's arm and nods.

"Morning." He mumbles and walks to the class. Lovino comes with his full speed and catches Alfred by his arm, once they are settled inside the classroom.

"Burger bastard, what is wrong?" Alfred looks at Lovino and then back at Ludwig, who is now sitting on the other side of the class. Their eyes meet and Alfred looks away. What he can already see it through him?

"I did it." Alfred speaks so tiredly and so slowly that it is barely audible. Lovino glances at Ludwig.

"With him?" Lovino is joking but he is worried. Why has he told him all those stuffs? Guilt engulfs him.

"No. With Arthur." Lovino gasps and covers his mouth. As unbelievable it sounds, Alfred did try it with Arthur, but nothing happened.

"Are you crazy?" Lovino whisper yells at him.

Mr Brandon turns around from the whiteboard and glares at them.

"Alfred, fucking Alfred. That is not what I meant. Oh my fucking..." Alfred is sitting on the grasses on the football field and is trying to comprehend by a little.

"Alfred. That is not what I mean. You find the person and then by time you try the shit. Poor Arthur must be startled and confused by now. It can be claimed as committed rape by the way you are describing the situation. Apologize!" Lovino can freely yell at him when nobody is around, luckily, nobody is around.

Between all those howls and scolds, Alfred's mind is running somewhere else; somewhere between Ludwig and Arthur. And quarter for Lovino. Less than that for his parents. What has happened to them and why can't he remember.

At least Lovino remembers his parents when he was little, Mathiew also remembers his mom before she died.

"Lovino, I didn't do it completely, we just made out. That is all!" Alfred confesses truthfully. They never did it until the end.

"Then don't worry. Just hope that Arthur forgives you." Lovino pats his back and waits till he gets out of his depressing state.

"Let's go in. Break is nearly over." Both lads go back to the main block.

"I never got the chance to introduce you guys." Alfred gestures cheerfully at his friends.

"Ludwig Beilschimdt." Ludwig nods his head in acceptance.

"Lovino Vergas." Lovino smiles forcefully at him, although deep down him is criticizing the German.

"Ludwig and I have to go now. See you later Lovino." Alfred feels better once he comes along with Ludwig. Lovino has another class so they have to part ways...

To be continued...


	5. Four

Ludwig and Alfred have spent the rest of the day together in the classes. They have helped each other with different passages and it is clear by now that their group of studying is one of the best in their classes. Whenever Lovino shares a class with both of them, they work in a group of three people. Lovino takes the languages responsibility since he is on another level than the rest of the class. Ludwig is much better with the science and as for Alfred, he can handle everything pretty well. Soon after the first month their group gains a huge reputation among the students from the school. They even win the grand competition's final between the senior classes. Lovino, naturally, wins the award of the best Spanish competitor and gets the first place. It is a huge achievement for all of them, especially for Alfred, who has always wanted to do something big and important, something worthy of Arthur's time to be shown, something impressing enough.

"Hey Loudweg, do you have time?" Alfred asks. Ludwig just shakes his head in scepticism and looks at the American as a sign of telling him to 'go on, tell me what do you need.'.

"I mean, do you want to hang out with me?" Ludwig takes his time while making a decision. It is a good habit of him, but sometimes it is not too good to overthink about the slightest offers, like: whether he wants to sharpen his pencil. Alfred now knows that his German friend is on a different boat. They are close friends by now, but they share zero things in common, even in this situation, too. If he were Ludwig, he would've just blurted his answer without thinking about it. Ludwig taps on his temple and finally faces the expecting American.

He nods.

"Actually, I asked Lovino, too, but as you know he is busy, today." Alfred laughs awkwardly and tries to ease the edginess on his voice.

Ludwig already knows everything about both of them. He knows that Lovino is dating their teacher, and he also knows a lot about Alfred, too. But he isn't aware of the incident between him and Arthur, which is a good thing. It would've been too embarrassing for Alfred to explain it. Alfred feels ashamed already, but it has gotten better since then. He has found a different view by the elder, and he is freer than he once was.

"Ok" Sometimes, Alfred just wants to punch the German. Why on earth is it hard for him to open his mouth once in a while? All he does is nodding or saying 'Ok'. Alfred wants more, he wants to talk with him more often, not talk to him, because it is one sided and he doesn't enjoy the one sided conversations.

"Ludwig, why don't you speak to me?"

"Should I?" Ludwig inquires stiffly.

"Of course, you should! You are always quiet!" Alfred yells on the moment and a few of the by passer's attentions are dragged towards him, but he doesn't care.

"Ok. Let's go now."

"Where?"

"You asked me, if I wanted to hang with you, so you should know where to go." Clever sauerkraut.

"Let's go to the park." Ludwig nods again. One of these days, Alfred is going to snap the German's neck, so he stops nodding for a while.

They begin walking down the street. The sun shines brightly over them and the spring warmth is pleasant. Alfred can't stop staring at the taller boy, when the in filtered rays of sunshine hit on Ludwig's head; his hair looks approximately as pale as Gilbert's. He has blond hair, too, but boy has he always liked this shade better. Alfred stops in a turn, not too long after that, Ludwig stops, too, beside Alfred.

At first, they just stare at the tablets and signs around the empty street. The houses are all calm, as if everyone were gone.

Alfred takes Ludwig's hand within his own and turns to face him. He isn't smiling. He glances up at those himmel blue orbs. Finally, with his free hand, Alfred touches Ludwig's hair, that has fascinated him, for long.

"I like your hair." Ludwig just stands quiet. He has nothing to say, he can't say. He feels... different.

"I think we can stop here. There is an entry to the park." Alfred tucks his hands in his pockets and walks ahead inside the park. Ludwig follows him.

Finally, Alfred chooses the spot where they can sit, and it is more than a relief for the elder, because it takes a lot until Mr Jones finds his favourite spot.

The park is empty from people, but filled with huge trees and different types of flowers.

Most of them are blossoms, which are going to turn into fruits by time.

"I miss my family." Alfred says suddenly. Ludwig shifts closer and throws his arm around the younger's shoulder. Alfred has already told him about his miserable story and how he isn't able to remember his family. It sucks.

"You said, you have a Canadian friend. Tell me about him." He changes the subject and expects Alfred to let those depressing thoughts sink.

"Ah, Mathew. We know each other for more than a long time. He is younger than me and I like him so much. He is like a younger bro.

But... but he lives so far away from me, he lives in France with his father. His mother died in a car accident and all he has got now, is his father." Alfred misses his little brother.

"Why in France? Isn't he Canadian?"

"He is half French and half Canadian, but since he was born in Canada, I call him Canadian."

"Interesting. So how do you visit him, often?"

"Arthur is a close friend of his father and they travel regularly to England, and Francis meets Arthur too. So we both see each other." Alfred throws his arm on Ludwig's shoulder and shifts closer.

"Loudwash, do you know something crazy?" It is the time for the American gossip. Alfred can't stop talking.

"No. What is it?"

"Our history teacher, Mr. Edelstein. You know him right? So this Swiss in our class, the one with green eyes and weird haircut, a little short, he is into him. I wonder if we are going to witness another unexpected pair in our class or not. I mean something like Lovino and Antonio." Ludwig smirks and leans on his knees. He shuts his eyes and nods.

"I think it is likely to happen, but for that, my brother has got himself a rival." Ludwig chuckles darkly.

"What do you mean? You mean, Gil is into Rody?! Oh my God, that is why he keeps on discussing every single fucking lesson with him. That seems quite clear." Alfred laughs at the thought. It is possible, because Mr Edelstein is a handsome man, polite and educated. But mostly handsome and attractive, so it is likely for him get by horny students.

"I think Mr Rody is more likely to go with Gil." It could happen, because Gilbert has given him his nickname, Rody. Since then, the students call him Rody, when they don't have lessons with the teacher. Even Mr Edelstein himself has mentioned the name in a humorous way.

They sit silenced for a while before Ludwig aims to ask his questions.

"How did you meet Arthur?" That name brings back those embarrassing memories. Wishes he hadn't done something so stupid. He has been avoiding the Britain.

"I was lost. He found me and one year later, he adopted me." He isn't going to jump into the details. No need to do so, because he doesn't know or remember more than that. Ludwig already knows enough, more than enough. There is no need to tell him everything.

"So young, and he adopted you. How old was he back then?" Ludwig seems to be interested. Something rare as the blue moon. Ludwig is never interested in something other than studying.

"He was 20 by the time he adopted me, and I was 14." Alfred can still remember the day when he got his legal documents of living with Arthur. He was more than happy, he even cried. But his happiness lasted only for a short time. And then, Arthur was gone for the next 2 years. Actually, now that Alfred thinks about it, Arthur had divided his time spent fairly. Considering the fact, that he had been with Arthur legally nearly for 4 years now, he had spent the first 2 years with him and the next 2 years without him.

"I see."

"Alfred, do you like him?"


End file.
